I'm kind of scared...

Journal Entry: Mon Aug 10, 2009, 3:08 PM

Mood: Llama

I wanted to put this journal on my DA because I didn't want my boyfriend to read it.

I've been going through so much in my life lately... With the therapist, not being home as often, my dad being a complete ass, my mom being depressed over boys, and loss of friends, they've really been battling with each other.

My boyfriend is getting more and more violent in our arguements. He's been screaming at me at the top of my lungs, and it's really beginning to scare me. No one can help me, and I don't know what to do.

I've been wondering if I should just never talk to him again. He's been really getting to me lately. I can't deal with it so much anymore, you know?

Yeah, I shut down, yeah I act like I don't give a shit in arguements, but his screaming seems like it's too much...

I'm not sure what to do. My therapist isn't helping so far, and one of my good friends in person, I'm not sure what she could do either.

I'm mainly using my journal to get this out, not expecting anyone to say anything...

Just scared...

Name: Milkshake
Adopt one yourself! @Pokémon Orphanage

Name: Breakfast
Adopt one yourself! @Pokémon Orphanage

This is Shrimpy. He's fucking awesome. He'll eat your barns. Yes, I said barns.

5 Comments

Canadians

Journal Entry: Wed Dec 17, 2008, 9:56 AM

Mood: Llama
Listening to: YOUR MOM MOANING IN MY EAR
Reading: YOUR MOMS DIARY
Watching: YOUR MOM TOUCH HERSELF
Playing: WITH YOUR MOM
Eating: YOUR MOM'S... YEAH.
Drinking: YOUR MOMS.. ... .. YEAH.

50 questions about your Best friend

Can you answer 50 questions about your best friend?

01) What’s his/her name?
RACHAEL LESWALLER

02) Does he or she have a boyfriend/girlfriend??
WELL DUH I'M RIGHT HERE BEAUTIFUL

03) Do you get along with this person all the time?
As well as jelly gets along with pickles.

04) How old is the person?
4,086

05) Has he/she ever cooked for you?
duh she's my slave.

06) Is this person older than you?
yes. but 4,068 years.

07) Have you ever kissed this person?
HER FACE CHEEKS

08) Are you related to this person?
Only by a very deluded bloodline.

09) Are you really close to him/her?
Yes she's sitting right next to me right now.

10) Does your friend have a nickname?
Skittles!

11) How many times do you talk to this person in a week?
I think we talk around ..a lot.

12) Do you think they will repost this?
Only if she wants to do it twice.

13) Could you live with this person?
I practically do now.

14) Why is this person your number 1?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT SHE'S MY NUMBER 12. Or my Mambo Number 5.

15) How long have you known this person??
a million years.

16) Have you ever been to the mall with this person?
no but I should take her now. Then we can make sweet love in the elevator.

17) Have you ever had a sleepover with this person?
Yes, a lot.

18) If you ever moved away would you miss this person?
DUH.

19) Do you know everything about this person?
I know all about her whore house let me tell you.

20) Would you date this person’s siblings?
Yes. all 14 of them.

21) Have you ever made something with this person?
besides sweet lovin's? noz.

22) Have you gone skinny dipping with this person?
I saw skinny dripping. AND NOW I WANT TO.

23) What's her/his favorite color?
green motherfuckas.

24) Is he/she addicted to anything?
Edward Cullen. And Robert Pattinson. MSI, jonas brothers...

25) Have you ever worn this person’s clothes?
NOZ

26) Have you and your #1 person made up a hand shake?
NOW WE SHOULD.

27) If it were Freaky Friday, would you switch bodies with this person?
Yeah sure why not.

28) Have you ever heard this person sing?
Yez

29) Do you and this person have a saying?
uhhhh... noz

30) Have you and your #1 done prank calls together?
we called some random number and i grunted in their voicemail.

31) Have you and this person ever gotten into a fight that lasted more than 2 months?
lol no

32)Have you and this friend ever had a 3 day sleepover?
ALMOST

33) Do you know what this person does to feel happy?
TOUCH HE-- Eat pizza.

35) Do you like this person?
DUH

36) Has this person yelled at you?
No, but she scares me when she yells at her sister.

37) Have you and this person got into a fist fight?
YEAH JUST A FEW MINUTES AGO. SHE PUNCHED ME.

38) Do you and this person go to the same school?
DUH. If I would have graduated, I'd have never met her. THEN I WOULD BE SAD AND CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP EVERYNIGHT, AND--

39) Would you go to Disneyland with them?
FUCK YEEEEAAAAH.

40) When was the last time you saw this person?
RIGHT.. NOW

41) Have you seen this person cry?
I heard her cry.

42) Do you know this persons middle name?
ERM.. NO. I think it's Billy.

43) Have you ever gave this person something?
MY SOUL.

44) Have you ever done something really stupid or illegal with this person?
STUPID CRAP YES.

45) Have you ever seen this person dance?
YES.

46) Does this person have a dog?
NOW I NEED TO GET HER ONE

47) Does this person go on the computer often?
she lives there.

48) Do you know how much this person weighs?
126 POUNDS OR SOME CRAP.

49) Does this person consider you their best friend?
HELL YEAH!!!

50) Do you think you & your #1 will be best friends forever?
I KNOW SO.

Name: Milkshake
Adopt one yourself! @Pokémon Orphanage

Name: Breakfast
Adopt one yourself! @Pokémon Orphanage

This is Shrimpy. He's fucking awesome. He'll eat your barns. Yes, I said barns.

9 Comments

Under Appreciated.

Journal Entry: Wed Nov 12, 2008, 2:50 PM

Mood: Sympathy

There's some people here on DA who don't get gift art, right? You can go through peopless favourites and galleries, and see something drawn for someone else.

Well, my gallery does not have things drawn for other people (anymore anyway)

I love all the friends I've made, and ..most of them love me, too.

A lot of the people I also know, are gift-givers. Serious gift-givers. Do they get anything, or much in return?

Not usually.

I want everyone who can comment on my journal, (Especially if you're under appreciated) to do so. (Even if you're just passing by!) And tell me what you'd like for a gift. I want to get off my lazy fucking ass, and.. give back to the people I love. Or people I could love.

I'm doing this for you all, and for me as well. I don't care who you are. Tell me what you want and I'll draw it for you.

I love you all.

-icon made by

18 Comments

WOOT

Tue Nov 4, 2008, 4:04 PM

HI.

Go Obama :>

5 Comments

Mood: Sympathy

This is for you

Sat Oct 18, 2008, 7:01 PM

The person who this is about, already knows who they are.

Being confused was never the way I wanted, or asked how to feel about you. I've betrayed you, and I've hurt you in.. indescribable ways. Yet you're still here. Why? Have I been so stupid.. been so naive to really see what was in front of my face for almost 5 months? I say I'm confused, and I don't know what I want, but when you talk about leaving.. It sends chills down my spine. I say I don't want you, but thinking of you not with me, not holding my hand scares me. Thinking I may not hear your voice tomorrow morning still worries me.

I'm writing these words to you, where everyone can see them.. Because I think someone out there may be going through what I'm going through. Might be lost.. Be confused..

I tell you all these things I truly think are right, when they're... Really not. I think I want something more, something different, but... What I want, and what I need is right there in front of me. I wish I could tell you how sorry I am for all I've done, and take back everything bad I've done to do, and just.. Let you forget.

And part of me doesn't

Without those bad things, we wouldn't be indestructible. Without everything I've done to you, we'd still be so shaky and scared around each other. I apologize for all the bad we've gone through, but.. I won't take it back. Without those things, we wouldn't love each other like we do today.

I've never laughed so hard before with anyone else.. Felt so much pleasure I've cried before.. Never held someone so tightly in my arms like they might just fall off the earth...

No matter what I've said to you.. Those feelings are still there. Buried, but there. I want to dig them up again... You and me. I want to be happy with you.. I want to hold your hand, and take you someplace where we can be happy again. Take us somewhere.. We imagined.

I love you, and no matter what I've said... I'll always mean it.

1 Comment

Mood: Sympathy

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Journal History

Aug 10, 2009 I'm kind of scared...
Dec 17, 2008 Canadians
Nov 12, 2008 Under Appreciated.
Nov 4, 2008 WOOT
Oct 18, 2008 This is for you
Oct 14, 2008 Kiriban and crap.

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I want to Shout to my girlfriend, my one and only, Ericka. She means the world to me, and nothing could ever replace her in my heart.. She makes me happier than anything, or anyone else ever could. It's been the happiest year of my life, with her in it.

I'd die without you, Ericka. You're my world.. My everything. I love you.